u sure u want it?

i'd give you the world.
shit i'd give the the stars in the sky.
man i'd even give u mars.
i'd give you anything you asked for.
but that's jus me an the type of person i am.
an when i love ooo baby i love hard an i love forever.
so do u really want ME to love YOU?
i'm not sure you could handle it.

p.s.a once again.

there are a very few of these blogs that are actually about real ppl.
that's one.
two even if they are most of the time it's only partly about them because when i blog/write things tend to go left.
i hate when ppl try to use my blogs/tweets/facebook updates as leverage in a disagreement.
first off. yer wrong. because u have no idea what was goin thru my mind when i was writin/typin anythin so how could anyone possibly know what i really mean when i type the shit i type.
i could be in a hateful spiteful mood an write the most beautiful love poem.
infact most of my passionate things come from anger an hurt it soothes me.
so when u think "o she must really be in love to write somethin like that" no yer wrong. i wasn't in fact i've never been in love so how could someone who has never been in love describe the feelin so beautifully?
BECAUSE I'M A FUCKIN POET!

ha. isn't it ironic?

i can't even say the things i wanna say to you.
like real shit i BEEN peepin u.
like for a hot lil second.
an like it's jus sooooooo wrong!
we know alot of the same ppl
an i mean that shit don't bother me not in the slightest.
but you know THEM an THEY drama..
like DAMM! we want the same shit so WHY can't we give each other what the other wants?
we are both fully capable of doin it.
shit.
u make me wanna.. shit. can't say that..
ooo but nope can't say that either.
SHIIIT can we jus do it already!!

empty fames..

thinkin of the hole you left in my heart.
the pain that you caused.
the pain that has left me bruised an broken
granted i have healed but i have healed
so
knarled
so
crooked
so not the beautiful girl that you had
but now jus the cold shell of a woman remains.
not even an ice box i'm a glacier i'm so cold
an i keep tryin to warm up my soul
to feed my heart so it can be whole
but nothin is satisfyin my hunger
my heart is so hungry for love
malnourished
i want so much to love again
i want so much to feel again
i want so much to want so much...


"Over time, pictures fade
all that's left are these empty frames,
sleepless nights, and stormy days,
I've got proof that people change,
and all that's left are these empty frames
all that's left are these empty."
- Empty Frames, Ne-Yo -

why?

it makes me sick to my stomach that i even miss you. like why should i? u treated me like shit. i mean i guess we had a few good times but overall. the shit sucked. so why do i even miss you? it's like i find myself randomly thinkin of the good times we had.. it's like my mind wants so much to hate you because of the hurtful things you said to me but my heart is like but ya'll really did care about each other you know that right? i mean at least I cared.. so i hope you really cared. me you an hoopty have some memories. alot actually. i mean i can remember the smiles we shared the moments captured. i still have the pics we took.. my fave the one on our first official date. that was fun. i'm glad you did that foe me. shit. i'm tryin not to reminisce on the times we shared tryin not to remember playin in your hair. tryin no to remember kissin you.. tryin not to fuckin remember. tryin so hard to forget.

i love you despite what my mind is tellin me.

all i want is to be is in your arms.
all i want to do is kiss your lips.
all i want is to love an be loved by you.
bein wit you is the greatest high i've ever felt.
i can't imagine my life without you.
but i know for right now at least i need to let you go.
i say the words i type the words an yet my heart doesn't believe them,
i need you in my life.
i love you it's undeniable.
it's indescribable.
truth is it's your air i breathe.
your kiss i need.
shit.
it shouldn't be like this.
i should be with the one my heart longs for..

fuck this shit. no lubrication.

so. i find myself in a bit of a pickle.
someone i've BEEN crushin on
an someone i SHOULDN'T be crushin on.
should be an easy choice right. WRONG!
so very wrong.
they are both on very different levels.
both make me happy,
both giive me a feelin i have yet to comprehend.
an the stress of tryin to choose is takin it's toll on me.
my hair is fallin out, breakin out in pimples, i don't wanna eat. i can't think.
shit's getttin real.
one wants me but can't have me
the other wants me but i'm not exactly sure where her heart lies.
an i'm jus sittin here wishin i had a blunt an a bottle
cuz i'm about to have a nervous breakdown.
real shit.