fuck this shit. no lubrication.

so. i find myself in a bit of a pickle.
someone i've BEEN crushin on
an someone i SHOULDN'T be crushin on.
should be an easy choice right. WRONG!
so very wrong.
they are both on very different levels.
both make me happy,
both giive me a feelin i have yet to comprehend.
an the stress of tryin to choose is takin it's toll on me.
my hair is fallin out, breakin out in pimples, i don't wanna eat. i can't think.
shit's getttin real.
one wants me but can't have me
the other wants me but i'm not exactly sure where her heart lies.
an i'm jus sittin here wishin i had a blunt an a bottle
cuz i'm about to have a nervous breakdown.
real shit.

fuck.

"torn in between the two cuz i really wanna be wit you but something's tellin me i should leave you alone, leave you alone, leave you alone..."

i want to be wit you so bad.. but i know it's wrong
but the heart wants what it wants, right.
well my mind is tellin my heart to shut the fuck up.
"bitch, you always get us in trouble an i'm tired of the stress. i'm takin over this operation."
"but i love her."
"you don't know what love is nigga!"
this is the ever present argument that the two keep goin thru.
an i'm so tired.
my mind is sayin run my heart is scream stay.
an i'm standin in the middle wit nothin left to say.
i love bein in your arms.
i hate when you leave.
all i know is i'm my happiest wit you
an so sad without you.
when i lay in my bed i reminisce an smell your scent.
i feel you touch. i need your kiss.
these are the things i cravce, i miss.
*sigh* i don't know what to do anymore. 

idk..

this was saved in my drafts. damm how i miss you at times.



it was 4:59 am when i was awaken from my sleep..
the first thing i do i think
is how i DIDN'T get to see you
since i spent the nights in your arms
it's the only place i wanna be
when i try to go to sleep

is this...?

all i want is to be happy.
wit you i am happy.
can we be good like a new pair of shoess?!
i don't even know where that came from.
but i know you keep a smile on my face
an you make my heart race
u make my palms sweaty soooo
either i'm about to die
or bitch i'm in love
i never thought it'd happen like this
i mean all i wanna do is be attached to yer hip.
can i be yer Siamese twin??
can we be joined for life.
i mean we can share a heart.
since we already share a soul.

kiss

i wanna kiss you.
nothin else.
jus to feel your lips on mine
entwine your tongue wit mine
share your soul wit mine..

her.

straight off the dome.
you are a dream come true,
quite literally.
i've dreamed of you plenty times an tho i didn't know it then.
o i know it now.
you are the one i want because i don't need any one but you.
make sense?
i know that for the past...8 months...i have been tryin to gather the courage to tell u.. hey i want u.
an it took a drunken night to make that happen.
an then, ooooo an then there u were walkin up to me in the library.
of all places. at my most geekiest moment there u where.
8 hrs later an i still wanted u to stay..
the first kiss.. i swear i felt a spark an not jus on my lips but in my soul an between my hips..
hmm sorry not tryin to be naughty.
mental nuts an sexxy struts
i really want you.
to be mine.
an me to be yours.
i'm talkin forever type shit.
you the only one for me type shit.
real nigga type shit.
a quote that i fell in love wit in high school:
"You are the STAR all evenings wait for."
that is what u are to me. been waitin all my life for u.
saved that spot called "WIFE" for you..

magnetic.

When I say I want you it’s beyond jus the physical
Straight to my mental deep in my cerebellum
It’s beyond my control
My molecules are attracted to yours.
Like 2 magnets I couldn’t run away if I wanted to.
Your vortex would suck me right back
Not to say that I want to leave
I love bein lost in you
I love bein lost WIT you
You are perfectly made to fit in the arms
Molded to my heart
The lyrics to the song of my life

Confessions of the OTHER woman.

you, you make my head spin an my heart beat at an irregular pace, i blush
every time i see a text from you or hear your ringtone.
an i can't have you.
so why do i feel this way?
why do things have to be so fuckin complicated?
love jus like life is not easy.
but it's so easy lovin you.
but i shouldn't be feelin this way. i shouldn't have thoughts of forever wit you.
i should forget i ever knew you, ever kissed you, ever made love to you.
it's not like i didn't know this when we started.
but i didn't know that we would fall so deep so fast.
we're half way to china our hole is so deep.
there's nothin left to say. i want what i can't have.
you say give it time, you say you'll be mine.
but a part of me doesn't believe you're ever gonna leave.
you say it's for the sake of the kids.
an ppl stay unhappy for the sake of the kids.
i really wanna stay but it's time for me to leave.
i jus can't handle bein the other woman.