sounds like CAPTAINnikki..

haha "maybe if i close my eyes an wish really hard. she'll show up at my door BUTTnekkidd!!"
haha"fuck this rainy weather, cuz i have no one to FUCK in this rainy weather"
"i go so deep i impregnate souls. i have multiple baby mamas NONE of the drama. you wanna be my next?"
#thatsoundslikeCAPTAINnikki "fuck her she's a clit tease."
GOODnikki says 'please come let's watch a movie'. BADnikki says: 'Please Cum. Lets make a movie!'

random twitter..

am i the only one who believes in love anymore.. smdh ppl see relationships as BUSINESS transactions.
"how much $$ you bringin to the table? what am i gonna get outta it" like REALLY.
sorry i'd rather be a house wife/mom/teacher like for real all this extra shit is too much.
all these games an bullshit.. it's ridiculous.. i'd rather be single than deal wit all the bull shit these HOES bring to the world.
it's like niggas more worried about wtf they gone wear to the club an shit than the fact that their WIFE is sittin at home miserable.
that HOE you goin to see at the club aint got SHHIT on the wife you leavin at home.. smdh
i jus feel the faith in love slowly diminishing. it's so sad ppl are givin up on love..
smdh. i refuse to give up tho..

some trendin topics..

#oneofthesedays she gone realize i'm BUILT for this type of mission. actions speak louder than words.
#oneofthesedays she'll see the bigger picture.. maybe i'll paint it for her
#oneofthesedays she gone figure out that i am not a quitter.
#oneofthesedays she gone know when i'm mad an when i'm jus simply bein an asshole.
#oneofthesedays people are gonna stop JUDGING a book by it's cover an actually READ that muthafuckah.
#oneofthesedays YOU are gonna see that I'M happy an that's ALL that counts. maybe you can be HAPPY wit me.
#oneofthesedays you gonna look back an realize i was the best thing that ever happened to u..
#oneofthesedays you gone see the real me an fall in love.
#oneofthesedays SHE will be MINE an WE will be the epitome of HAPPINESS.




#beforeiknew what i wanted.. now i'm not so sure. u make me question my motives.
#beforeiknew you i thought i knew love..
#beforeiknew you i thought i knew me an what i stood for.


#dontactlike this is somethin it's not. we know what the deal is.
#dontactlike you ain't know yer ringtone was "boyfriend #2" sorry boo jus somethin to do till DADDi gets home.
#dontactlike you aint really a freak.. who you tryin to convince me or yourself??
#dontactlike you dont know i'm feelin you.. EVERYBODY else knows haha..
#dontactlike you don't wanna see what my head game is like.. i KNOW you heard some stories haha.. #youbettaasksomebody!!
#dontactlike you can handle this when we both know i had YOU limpin the next day. #POW! "my neck my back.."
#dontactlike you want me when we both know you want her.#imnotstupid

twittertruth.

#twittertruth i'm possessive as HELL! what's mine is mine. try an take it if u want to. u may draw back nubs.
#twittertruth imma loner there are only a few ppl in my circle. i'm hella shy. an i don't like ppl.
i dont have shit but a dream an a paintbrush. but for me that's all i need.#twittertruth
#twittertruth you aint got shit on her. so don't think u can sway my attention. it ain't gone work.
hmm. well i believe NONE of what i hear an ALL that i see. haha


it's like this: "if u look 4 what u THINK u want, you'll miss out on what you NEED. what you WANT & what you NEED are 2 different things

random tweets about her..

imma be me regardless. i refuse to let anyone try an change me. if u don't like me how i am. move around.
sorry if instead of buyin some expensive ass clothes i'd rather have art supplies sorry i don't want my hair an nails did. that is not me.
never has been never will be.
*sigh* does anyone SEE me?
what do you do when you mind says stay but your heart has already strayed.
she said she thinkin of me but i'm not thinkin of her.. i'm thinkin about that other one..


#twowordcombos your kiss.
#twowordcombos can we?
#twowordcombos her arms.

#twowordcombos your smile.

#twowordcombos your eyes.

#letmefindout you be thinkin the same thing i'm thinkin..

high as hell thinkin bout but whats new..

i want to fall asleep in yer arms.. #soHOMO

she makes me giggle like a school girl..

impatiently waitin..

you think i'm not genuine in my feelings toward you. they are as real as the air i breathe to sustain this miserable life without you

change your way of thinking.. (start at the bottom an work your way up.)

GOD is LOVE.


if you BELIEVE.


because despite what anyone EVER says LOVE is all you need. an LOVE will be enough to ease your pain.


i can't bring you no expensive car no nice clothes i can't take you shoppin but i can tell you this you will NEVER lack LOVE.


an i don't want all that extra shit. it jus clutters your space an you can't LOVE to your fullest potential.


or jus alot of THINGS fillin the VOID where LOVE should be. because i'll be the first to tell you i ain't got SHIT!


because if she doesn't respect herslef how can she respect YOU. how can she love YOU? at the end of the day is there LOVE in your home?


how about instead of lookin at what kinda car she drives pay attention to how she carrys herself. does she RESPECT herself?


ppl 2 caught up on material things. a car can crash u can lose ur apt u can get laid off from yer job, clothes get old an shoes get scuffed.


"U can't like somebody n be caught up on lil shyt like that it won't neva hit its full potential" u betta realize what u got till it's GONE!


stop thinkin about what she doesn't have an see what she DOES have. because it might jus be what you NEED.

twitterpoem..

you are my hearts only addiction. #sixwordstories
can we PLEASE kiss already, PLEASE!? #sixwordstories
can we be in love together?#sixwordstories
why waste time on the #exchick when the #nextchick is waitin on you to call her.. #i'mjussayin..
#sometimesitsbetter to tell the truth no matter how much it'll hurt.
i love her. i'm not in love with her. but her essence fills me wit _____ i don't even know..
"they not coming back cause they KNOW i'm crazy.."#soundslikeCAPTAINnikki
she said "when you raise the bar... you accept nothin less than the best,"
in my head i think a wish is a quick prayer. have you wished for anythin today?? instead of "i wish for.." say "i pray for..
maybe one day down the line we could discover that we are in love together. that will be a good day..
smdh. an no matter what i'm still thinkin bout you..
drinkin an thinkin of her. smdh. i refuse to lose my cool.

ipod.

ha in love don't make me giggle.
tho i think of her often she is not so deep in
that i'm IN
love wit her.
i'm in love wit the fact
that one day we will
STAND in love together
because we know there is no better
love than the love we share..

i often drift into thoughts on when i'll be IN love wit someone.
i've had ppl be in love wit me or me in love wit them
but we weren't on the same page we weren't in love together..
not sync'd like an ipod to a computer.
so i long to be IN love. yea build a foundation that we can grow on.
we will only get stronger. i promise you that.

been gay all my life.

smdh at these lame dudes. i know not all men are disrespectful an i know not all men get the fact that i'm a lesbian. i accepted it now it's your chance. i mean i played the "straight" role for only a few yrs ain't like it was all my life. so why are you surprised? i mean all throughout high school i was bi didn't even touch a dude till my senior yr. before that all i messed around wit was girls. my first orgasm was wit a chick. i mean the ONLY reason i even slept wit a dude is cuz all my friends where straight i was scared to jus be like i don't want him i want her. i feel like if i would have followed my heart an not the mainstream i would be at a much better place in my life. i mean my dad asked me once when i was a sophmore if i was gay. i laughed an told him no. that was the day after my first date wit a girl. i remember that ish like it was yesterday. i mean i've never really emotionally been attached to guys. lookin back i can say i was never really in love wit any of my boyfriends. like yea i loved them but shit i love everybody.. one dude i used to talk to i asked about his sister EVERYDAY like really. how could you not know.. well i mean HE knew haha. my first boyfriend told me when he found out i was gay "i knew that i was waitin on you to figure it out." like for REAL! haha
i mean i'm not sayin i don't apprieciate a compliment you know but do you HAVE to stare.. an i mean i KNOW you see us all hugged up on each other. no she is NOT my sister. she's my gal.. it's like damm can you show a lil respect. i know it's hard for a man to do you know to RESPECT a woman. 
an i love when they ask "why do you like women. what can she do that a man can't" answer ALOT! i have PASSION for women like i have PASSION for my art. i'm goin to treat her like a canvas because she is my masterpiece. 
everythin you love in a woman sir, i love also. her perfect breasts. her plump behind. her beautiful eyes an soft lips. i mean what is there NOT to love. 
so MEN please don't step to me talkin bout "o u jus ain't had no one lay the pipe right" blah blah blah. what my chick can do wit her tongue eff that her FINGERS gives me more pleasure than a man ever did. what can i say i've been gay all my life..
jus wish i woulda accepted the fact along time ago haha

10 things about a Cancer.

10. Loves to stay at home

9. Is an emotional being. Whether up or down, they always feel alive
8. Loves good food

7. Always expresses how they feel

6. Is very sensitive, but that turns out to be a good thing in bed

5. Is a passionate an devoted lover

4. Is always having fun

3. Lives to satisfy others needs and does so lovingly

2. Has a soft shoulder you can lean on

1. When in love, they completely and totally gives it their all

i love readin stuff about my sign.. alot of it is true.. i'd say about 5% of what i read i DONT agree wit.. like one i read said we fantasize about havin sushi eaten off of us.. 

yea.. NOT! 

haha but all the nurturin thing yea thats me.. 

lovin forever, yea i'm guilty.. 

bein an undercover freak.. you betta ask somebody.. 

it's all true even down to the sign a crab. 

i have a hard as shell an i occasionally snap..

i'm gonna love you wit a love so deep an pure an unconditional 

you gone think i'm yo mama.. 

but if you give me cause for concern i'll retreat to my shell

it is what it is.. read me learn me love me.. haha

what the starts say about me..

Lets101 - Free Online Dating


yea that's me...

randomness..

I know better than to look in your eyes
they are soo deceiving
they tell that you want me
they’re screamin how you need me.

shit I lost my train of thought.
the poem not you because you are the ever runnin picture replayin in my mind.
every time you look at me I feel lost in your soul.
your touch makes me wanna lose control
shit.. but I can’t have you
an I don’t want no body else
so I guess I’ll be lonely
I guess I’ll be blue
I’ll spend endless nights alone wit out you.
your essence gives me a natural high
but I can’t an WON’T get caught in you.
I don’t wanna be addicted I don’t wanna fiend
I push the thoughts away

my notes from palm sunday.

Forgivness is NOT an occasional act.
It is an ATTITUDE.
your standin on the edge of chaos. Where do you go from here??
Everyday I choose where I wanna be.
I choose to be a love representative in the love revolution.
because GOD loves me, GOD forgives me.
S(H)E who is born of GOD is born of LOVE, because GOD is love.
we must carry our own cross.
just because I’m layin here DOES NOT mean I’m stayin here.
Sometimes you jus gotta KNOW your getting out.
what are YOU going to give GOD??
Father, into YOUR hands I commit my spirit.

Sunday  March 28, 2010


this is actually a few quotes from seven different pastors.
from the last seven words of CHRIST..
it was beautiful..

my notes from church..

my notes from today's sermon.. they may not make sense to you but it's beautiful to me..

John 1st chapter 19-23

“I am a voice of one crying in the wilderness.”
-I suffered wit my identity_
Ever found yourself with the need to control the opinions of others??
*I am not the I AM*
people can’t really know my mess
Have you ever over compensated for what you really were
GOD is the essence of everything WE say about him.
He becomes the way out.
GOD is the essence of grace an truth.
keep the main thing the main thing.
OUR purpose is not defined by what we do. GIVE GOD GLORY!
I can’t give you much but I can gove you Jesus. It’s not about you but the GOD in you.
Know who you ARE an who you AREN’T.
It is My GOD given responsibility to lead others to GOD.
understand WHO GOD is. It is not about me it’s about GOD.
DO YOU KNOW WHO HE IS??

Sunday, April 18, 2010

i'd do anything..

i'd do anythang to ger yer attention
do i need to scream it at the top of my lungs
that i want YOU to be my only one.
we can be
the epitome
of what love should be
but you trippin
worried about the wrong things
i can love you wit a love so strong you won't NEED nothin else
all i'm sayin is that
while u wastin time you should be mine.
forget yer past heartbreaks forget it all
cuz all you need is me.
my love is strong enough to take whatev you throw at it.
jus gimme a chance
you won't regret it
believe me.

it's 2:54am

why is she on my phonee! 

i'm not complainin i love to hear her voice.. 

i'm jus sayin..

it's 2:54am an she WANTS to be on the phone with ME! 

haha i am pleasantly surprised, delightfully tickled 

to be thought of by her.

when she can't sleep. 

an she wants me to lull her off into her dreamland..

not yet titled.

i keep catchin her eye.
an my my how
i can imagine me in yer thighs.
makin you rise
an
then i remember.
it's not exactly ladylike to fuck on the first night
but i'm sayin thou we're grown.
it's time to start the show
i've been tryin to hold it back all night
but i'm dyin to feel you touchin me
fuckin me
not no one night creep
u can't jus spend one night with me.
i'm not cocky
i'm jus sayin.
can we do this already

impatiently waitin.

it's not that i'm lookin for her
i'm jus impatiently waitin on her arrival.
like waitin on a delivery.
i know it's comin an it's not like i can rush it to come any faster.
shit the more i pace in front of the door it seems like the loooonger it seems to take.
so now i'm tryin to sit still an not think about you so much
but damm i get lonely
i long for you to hold me.
i'm anxious for our first kiss.
i'm dreamin of the first time we make love.
the moment we realize we're IN love.
our children, our life. our ups an down.
thinkin of this an i get ANXIOUS..
so sorry if i seem impatient but it's only because i am soo ready to love you.
i'm tired of WAITINGGG!
it's drivin me crazy. can't wait to meet my lady.

Romans 14..

      Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters. ²One man's faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables.³The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him. ⁴Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.
 ⁵One man considers one day more sacred than another; another man considers every day alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind. ⁶He who regards one day as special, does so to the Lord. He who eats meat, eats to the Lord, for he gives thanks to God; and he who abstains, does so to the Lord and gives thanks to God. ⁷For none of us lives to himself alone and none of us dies to himself alone. ⁸If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.
 ⁹For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living. ¹⁰You, then, why do you judge your brother? Or why do you look down on your brother? For we will all stand before God's judgment seat. ¹¹It is written:
   " 'As surely as I live,' says the Lord,
   'every knee will bow before me;
      every tongue will confess to God.' "^[a] 12So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God.
 ¹³Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way. ¹⁴As one who is in the Lord Jesus, I am fully convinced that no food^[b] is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for him it is unclean. ¹⁵If your brother is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love. Do not by your eating destroy your brother for whom Christ died. ¹⁶Do not allow what you consider good to be spoken of as evil. ¹⁷For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, ¹⁸because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and approved by men.
 ¹⁹Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. ²⁰Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a man to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble. ²¹It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother to fall.
 ²²So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the man who does not condemn himself by what he approves. ²³But the man who has doubts is condemned if he eats, because his eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin.

turn your lights down low.

turn your lights down low
an open the window to your soul
let my love in
let your pain out

i have so much to give an no one to give it to...
i want to leave i want to run i want to hide
it's so painful to want to love wit no one to love
all i need is one worthy soul all i need is someone to recieve

it's not hard jus open your arms an take me in i'll do all the work
we can lay under the stars make love in the rain

sweet kisses from me to u
our love's embrace will last a lifetime

it's not hard jus come inside lay wit me
we'll talk for minutes
till minutes turn to hours
till hours turn to days
till days turn to weeks
the weeks will turn to months
an i'll still be lovin you
when the months turn to years
an the years turn to lifetimes
i will still be loving you

let me give u my love my breathe my soul
breathe deep an inhale me

it's not hard
in fact it will be the easiest thing in the world for u 

kissin you.

my joy is watchin your smile
i get lost in your eyes
and your kiss 
don't get me started on that fuckin kiss!!!!
kissin you is like Heaven 
NO! FUCK THAT!! 
kissin YOU is better than Heaven! 
Kissin you sends me beyond Heaven into the furtherest realm of human comprehension...
Kissin you moves mountains & makes Angels jealous.
I mean they actually SIGH when they see us like, 
Man not this SHIT again!!
Kissin you is like breathin life into a dead body
IT'S A FUCKIN MIRACLE!!
it defies physics because when i kiss u Baby, I FLY!!
Kissin you is jus oOOOooOOOo...
I can't explain in enough words how wonderful your lips are!
What's really funny is...
WE'VE NEVER EVEN KISSED!! 

lip infatuation

you're my lip infatuation
my sinful indulgence
my sweet surrender
my soft as pillow smooth as silk deep down in my soul shakin
lip infatuation 

uncontrolled substance..

Deep with in me is a freak an I know it
Cuz sometimes when I hit that spot u forget
An let it slip
“oOo shit girl!! Shiiiiittt!”
The way you be moanin, how loud you be screamin
How yo pussy steady be creamin..
An I’m quietly thinkin “that’s it girl keep on leakin..”
I get the urge to flip you an fuck you from behind
I jus wanna watch ya back
Wave an arch
An wave
An arch
An wave an..
Oh my bad…
I trace ya spine grab ya waist while ya hip grinds.
I need a kiss I been away to long from them lips
An as u straddle me I enter you
Because I wanna feel it when u come
An as we climb to our peaks
Our hearts sync to one rapid beat
An then u come an then I come an then WE come.
An as I pull that last drip out of your soul..
Relax an let go
I love when we lose control.. 

ode to my pocket knife.

She slices my skin to reveal my sin
An coldly watches as my innocence faded
I see the lines of the previous times
Like notches in my bed post.
The feel of the steel makes my pain real
A life of hatred a love of pain
I cry for help but I cry in vain
I try to ignore her but she’s all I hear
Like when a lover whispers in your ear
I fall victim to her seduction
But this ain’t love we ain’t fuckin
As I watch my blood trickle an clot
To form lil red candy dots of my love 

love addiction/i hate you

I hate you.
But only because I love you so much that
I HAVE to hate you
Because you jus don’t comprehend how much I REALLY love you
I hate knowin all of these eloquent words
But the COMPLETE inability to convey them in a way
As BEAUTIFUL as it is reflectin in my mind.
You are my most deepest loving dream come true
Because I remain me while lovin you.
Even when I try my hardest not to love you,
The more it becomes apparent that I NEED to love you.
It’s okay I don’t mind.
With every breath I breathe you
Every cut I feel you
Every hit I crave you
Coursin through through my veins like the finest cocaine
You are my love addiction 

so fuckin gay i puke rainbows.

sir.excuse me, yes you. you have the most gorgeous eyes. i could lose myself lookin into those pretty browns."
does not mean i wanna see you wit your clothes off.
a compliment is jus that a compliment.
i may even think yer cute. IT DOES NOT MEAN I WANT TO LAY YOU!
if i say i wanna chill.
shit i prolly jus wanna smoke a blunt an talk about life.
because i really do jus wanna be yer friend.
knowin me, i'm jess trynna lay yer sister.
so please don't miss understand me sayin:
"yer smile is the best i've ever seen." or
"damm can i wash my jeans on them abs?!"
or even one i say often "yer hawt i'd make out wit you"
jus no touchin below the waist an if u start gettin to into it
ugh okay we're through.
that's jus me
i'm extra fuckin friendly.
so this is a disclaimer for the guys i know, the guys i will know an the guys i jus met.
I AM 100% PURE LESBIAN.
i'm jus as in love wit the nah-na as you are.
maybe even more, shittt
i prolly even f****d yer bitch.
yea thats me the new taste on her lips.
so please don't get yer bubble burst thinkin u about ta smash.
imma look at you stupid an simply laugh.
I DO NOT WANT YER PENIS SIR.
even when i HAD it i didn't WANT it.
i'm so fuckin gay i puke rainbows. 

a letter to my dream girl.

Dear Woman of My Dreams,

if you saw me on the street would you even recognize me?
does she know how my dreams are filled with memories that we could make.
i've had dreams of our first date.
i'd take you to dinner somewhere nice an quiet so we can talk.
maybe a movie or we could go for a nice walk
i jus want to get to know you
because jus by lookin in your eyes
i can tell you have a beautiful soul.
i know that a woman as beautiful as you has many other beautiful women chasin after you
i don't even expect that you'd give me a chance.
an it sucks because i know out of all those women
NONE of them will EVER be able to COMPREHEND the love i can give to you..
i mean i haven’t gotten to far in the fantasies
but i can tell you your life with me
however long or short
will be full of love an devotion
because that's who i am.
i may not have alot financially but a girl like me makes things happen.
even if i gotta buy our dinner wit my foodstamps.
girl i will cook you all yer fave foods
then we can sit on my patio an watch the sun go down.
I may not be able to drive to meet you
but best believe I’d walk an if I had to carry you back I would
because that’s the type of woman I am.
an I know that not a lot of ppl want to take a chance on someone who has nothing but I figure it like this:
if u love me now when I have nothing
then when I have the world I know that our love is real
an believe me baby I’m GONNA have the world.
because that’s what you deserve an imma get it for you.
even if you don’t want it I still want you to know it’s an option.
I know that when your feet hurt imma rub em.
an anyone who knows me knows I HATE FEET.
but girl I promise I’d give you the BEST fuckin foot massage EVER.
I’ll grease yer scalp. girl I’d even bathe you if you asked.
I want to completely pamper you because it’s what you DESERVE.
I know I know this is crazy to you, but hey it is what it is.
I didn’t think I’d ever be sayin this to someone
because I am NOT the one to jus put myself out there like that,
but imma new woman these days
I’m like
“hey what’s the worst that can happen?
she say she doesn’t want to be pampered like a queen.
haha her bad cuz I’m sure someone will read my devotion
an want it for themselves.”
at least I hope.
who knows what the future holds.
I know I wanna hold you.
be there when ya need.
never make ya cry an if you happen to shed a tear one day
I’d be there to catch it because your tears are too precious to hit the ground.
*sigh*
my pleas may fall on deaf ears but I did my part an shared my feelings.

Sincerely,

theCAPTAINnikki. 

closet freak..

as I sit here an inhale this marijuana
I remember those times at yo mama’s
wonderin if she ever knew
the times I had my way with you
how when she was watchin Jeopardy
I was in deep between yo knees
can u believe she thought I was helping wit yo homework.
when it was more like puttin in that work.
my the times we shared when she wasn’t there.
me an u was so deep we’d get it anywhere.
haha even in her sheets..
girl u was a FREAK!
an I loved it
too bad u was in the closet.

jus say yes.

(all ya gotta do is say yess don’t deny what ya feelin let me undress you baby..)

girl you playin..
I mean I’m not conceited or nothing
but we both know u ain’t the ONLY one that wants me
I mean imma prized commodity..
but see we..
yea we have beautiful conversations
an do get me started on the physical relations
the energy between us is undeniable
the chemistry INCONCEIVABLE!!
so why are you wastin time
when u should ALREADY be mine?
let’s lay among the stars make moon babies
I’m tired of all yer if’s an maybe’s
jus come with me an be my queen
I’ll take u to places yet unseen
we’ll travel the world
DAMM jus be my GIRLL!
oooooo why you playin!!
wit my emotions an my mind..
damn won’t you jus be mine.

silent cries.

silent screams from the heart that craves you
when will you call me yours?
I long for the days we will have together

you drive me crazy!
insatiable these nights without you
my appeite for you is never-ending.

I want to dive into you like you’re the sea
an explore the caverns that are your soul
I want to reach spaces undiscovered by others before

can we be like adam an eve
naked in our love
innocent in our joys